There is no “no” in Alice.

Lately I have been waking up in the middle of the night in cold sweats, panicking and fidgety. I keep having the same nightmare night after night after night. I am at the office trying to get my work done when in walks one of my male coworkers. He walks behind my desk and begins rubbing my shoulders. The most we have ever said to one another is hello in the hall and now here he is in my office giving me a shoulder rub? After being reprimanded by my boss he stops and leaves. A few minutes later another somewhat dysfunctional male coworker comes into my office and asks me to join him for drinks after work. I squeak out that "I kinda err sorta uh already have plans." He responds that is fine we will grab drinks tomorrow and I am stuck. And then yet another male coworker enters my office and suggests we exchange numbers so that we can hang out over the weekend. "But well um I am going to be busy I err uh have plans like all weekend from dawn to err a dusk." That is fine, I'll just call and check in on you. And numbers are exchanged.

Confused and frustrated I approach a friendly male co-worker and ask him why every geek and dysfunctional male in the office is asking me out, becoming friendly with me where only a few weeks ago I was going about my office life without any disturbances from anyone at all. His eyes get sad and he tells me that there is something I need to see. He tells me to wait until everyone has left the building tonight and go into the men's bathroom on the 14th floor, third urinal down and look about a foot above what would be eye level for me and see what is there. I wait and I wait and I wait and finally all of the lights in the office are out and all of the bodies gone home for the night. I just can't imagine what it is that I am going to see, how what is there is going to explain the new geek draw I have or should I say geek bravery they have. My heart is racing, my breath short, I sneak upstairs to the 14th floor, flashlight in hand. Shaking, I open the door to the men's room and slowly walk towards the third urinal. I approach the urinal, turn towards it and slowly move the flash light up the wall and there about a foot above my eye level I begin to read:

Are you looking for someone to watch movies with, go to lunch with, talk on the phone with, hit the town with, but have trouble getting dates because you lack conversation skills, social skills, matching clothing skills, etc? If this sounds familiar, hits close to home, I have the answer. Alice in Marketing doesn't know how to so no. Ask her to lunch-she'll accept, ask her for her phone number- she'll provide it, suggest getting together for drinks- she'll make excuses, but soon those will run out and she'll cave. Believe me. Alice - 12th floor, office closest to the south exit- she's your go to girl.