So I've got a blog for you. I must say that this visit home has produced a great deal of blog fodder or simply blodder.
I have captured the art of feeling sorry for myself, especially when it comes to family not providing me with the time and attention I feel I deserve. So I begin this blog by accept some responsibility for what I am about to write, I accept that I am ultra-sensitive, a martyr and a complainer. This all being the case let me begin.
Only a few months ago my brother M and his family lived in the East Bay. Before they moved they had me over for dinner where M gave me a guilt trip because he already knew I wouldn't make myself available to hang out when he came into town once a month on business. I found this odd because I was getting a guilt trip for something that had not yet happened. I pointed this out and he stated that he knew it was bound to happen so...
I was heading home to visit my family last week when my father called and mentioned that M would be out in my neck of the woods on business so I should call him and convince him to take the same flight home with me. I called my brother M and we made arrangements to meet up at the airport on Tuesday after work. When I ran into M at the airport I asked him if this was the first time he had come to town on business and not called me, nope it was the second. I reminded him of his conversation with me before he moved and then pointed out the irony of it all. I then decided while I was pointing out things that kind of got my goat why not bring up that birthday I had last month, the big 3-0 and find out why I didn't hear from him the day of or the day after or ever for that matter. He explained he was busy -- too busy to pick up a phone? You see, he has a wife and two children, this all keeps him busy, too busy to wish his younger sister a happy birthday. Of course I always manage to wish him, his wife and his two children a happy birthday on thier special days. I suppose this is because I have more time? A bit condescending, don't you think?
What gets me about the birthday is that M was not the only one from my family who failed to call, but my other brother C managed to forget as well and my parents didn't make their call until 8 pm the night of, 9 pm their time. I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but there was a point, like 7:55 p.m. where I started thinking that I wasn't going to hear from a single member of my family on my birthday and it took everything to hold back tears as I tried to hail a cab to get to a friends house for dinner - thank God for friends. My little sister E had called the day before and said that she wasn't going to call the day of because her adopted son was arriving that day and it was going to be a big day for the family (understandable), but she still sent her happy birthday wishes and her I love yous. She recognized that this is the stuff I need and for that reason delivered. I really don't think it is asking much.
I let it all go, or tried to, I knew I was coming home to visit my family, the first visit home in 8 months and I was very excited. I wanted to see everyone. And I have, but still I am a bit annoyed. I want more. I have spoken all of two words to my brother C since I arrived last week because he has been busy. I emailed him two weeks before I came home requesting that he set some time aside so we could hang out, grab dinner a movie, sit around and chat about his kids, it didn't matter what it was, just time for he, his family and myself. For whatever reason he hasn't had/made any time.
I know this is all whiny and everything, but I am a bit annoyed with my bros. It makes me wonder what we are all going to be like when mom and dad aren't around any more. I find it ironic to belong to this family whose religion states that family is THE most important thing yet right now it doesn't really seem that the boys think it is.
Or maybe I am misunderstanding family. Maybe now that they have their own families I am not as important, or dropped a notch in the family concept. I don't think my brother's actions, or lack there of are at all intentional, yet this knowledge doesn't really make it hurt any less. I also don't appreciate this idea that my life is less significant then theirs, this idea that if they are to come to town I should make time for them, yet the opposite is not true when I come to their town. I truly believe that they see my time with them as something fortunate for me where as their time for me is a sacrifice, something I should be very grateful to receive (and I truly am grateful for every moment). But I think the boys believe that their time is more significant, more important because they have wives and children. And maybe on some levels they may be right, but on others they are wrong and I wish they would wipe their clouded eyes and see that this world and their family is a little bigger then what resides underneath their roofs at night.
I have captured the art of feeling sorry for myself, especially when it comes to family not providing me with the time and attention I feel I deserve. So I begin this blog by accept some responsibility for what I am about to write, I accept that I am ultra-sensitive, a martyr and a complainer. This all being the case let me begin.
Only a few months ago my brother M and his family lived in the East Bay. Before they moved they had me over for dinner where M gave me a guilt trip because he already knew I wouldn't make myself available to hang out when he came into town once a month on business. I found this odd because I was getting a guilt trip for something that had not yet happened. I pointed this out and he stated that he knew it was bound to happen so...
I was heading home to visit my family last week when my father called and mentioned that M would be out in my neck of the woods on business so I should call him and convince him to take the same flight home with me. I called my brother M and we made arrangements to meet up at the airport on Tuesday after work. When I ran into M at the airport I asked him if this was the first time he had come to town on business and not called me, nope it was the second. I reminded him of his conversation with me before he moved and then pointed out the irony of it all. I then decided while I was pointing out things that kind of got my goat why not bring up that birthday I had last month, the big 3-0 and find out why I didn't hear from him the day of or the day after or ever for that matter. He explained he was busy -- too busy to pick up a phone? You see, he has a wife and two children, this all keeps him busy, too busy to wish his younger sister a happy birthday. Of course I always manage to wish him, his wife and his two children a happy birthday on thier special days. I suppose this is because I have more time? A bit condescending, don't you think?
What gets me about the birthday is that M was not the only one from my family who failed to call, but my other brother C managed to forget as well and my parents didn't make their call until 8 pm the night of, 9 pm their time. I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but there was a point, like 7:55 p.m. where I started thinking that I wasn't going to hear from a single member of my family on my birthday and it took everything to hold back tears as I tried to hail a cab to get to a friends house for dinner - thank God for friends. My little sister E had called the day before and said that she wasn't going to call the day of because her adopted son was arriving that day and it was going to be a big day for the family (understandable), but she still sent her happy birthday wishes and her I love yous. She recognized that this is the stuff I need and for that reason delivered. I really don't think it is asking much.
I let it all go, or tried to, I knew I was coming home to visit my family, the first visit home in 8 months and I was very excited. I wanted to see everyone. And I have, but still I am a bit annoyed. I want more. I have spoken all of two words to my brother C since I arrived last week because he has been busy. I emailed him two weeks before I came home requesting that he set some time aside so we could hang out, grab dinner a movie, sit around and chat about his kids, it didn't matter what it was, just time for he, his family and myself. For whatever reason he hasn't had/made any time.
I know this is all whiny and everything, but I am a bit annoyed with my bros. It makes me wonder what we are all going to be like when mom and dad aren't around any more. I find it ironic to belong to this family whose religion states that family is THE most important thing yet right now it doesn't really seem that the boys think it is.
Or maybe I am misunderstanding family. Maybe now that they have their own families I am not as important, or dropped a notch in the family concept. I don't think my brother's actions, or lack there of are at all intentional, yet this knowledge doesn't really make it hurt any less. I also don't appreciate this idea that my life is less significant then theirs, this idea that if they are to come to town I should make time for them, yet the opposite is not true when I come to their town. I truly believe that they see my time with them as something fortunate for me where as their time for me is a sacrifice, something I should be very grateful to receive (and I truly am grateful for every moment). But I think the boys believe that their time is more significant, more important because they have wives and children. And maybe on some levels they may be right, but on others they are wrong and I wish they would wipe their clouded eyes and see that this world and their family is a little bigger then what resides underneath their roofs at night.
posted by Alice @ 5:00 PM
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